Fic: Sexy and I Know It

[beccafiend]

Title: Sexy and I Know It
Fandom: No. 6
Pairings and Characters: NezuShi, mentions of Safu
Rating: T
Note: I am... really sorry for this. My horrible friends gave me the idea when "Sexy and I Know It" by LMFAO came on the radio and I had a mental breakdone because the music video scarred me for life. And then my friend, in an effort to console me, said: "combine the music video and your favorite pairing."  Since NezuShi is the pairing I'm currently obsessed with, this is what came into mind. I'M SO SORRY I HAD TO WRITE THIS AND SHARE IT. I still don't know whether or not I want to laugh or cry. I'll let you guys decide...
Warnings: Speedos and crotch thrusting.

It had seemed like a normal outing. Though it was a rare occurrence, they went out tonight to eat at a bar. Nezumi had gotten a bit more money from his recent play, and for whatever reason (Shion couldn’t remember the details), they had decided that this would be a good way to celebrate.

 

They had sat down at a table close to the bar and ordered their food without incident. They talked and bickered, on the same subjects as usual. Then, everything became incredibly weird.

 

Somehow, Shion really didn’t know the details, they had gotten on the topic of their individual sexiness. Shion was skeptical, and insisted he was definitely sexier than Nezumi. Nezumi, of course, was being quite adamant that he was, indeed, the sexiest.

 

“Then prove it,” Shion heard himself say. Nezumi smirked, and suddenly techno music started to play loudly. The dark-haired boy ripped off all his clothing, revealing a glittery, neon, animal-print speedo. 

 

Shion didn’t know where he’d gotten that - he was sure he would have noticed it in the cramped room they shared, but that was something he’d have to figure out later.

 

Nezumi climbed up onto the bar, which the other patrons of the establishment seemed to be perfectly okay with, and proceeded to strut up and down the table like it was a catwalk - thrusting his speedo-clad crotch around all the while.

 

In a completely out-of-character gesture, Shion mimicked his companion’s actions, ripping off his own clothing in one swoop, leaving him in a matching neon speedo. He, too, climbed onto the bar, and proceeded to strut back and forth, also thrusting his crotch around at anyone and everyone around.

 

They battled like this for some time, strutting and gyrating and doing all sorts of bizarre, stripper-like things. The patrons of the bar cheered them on, and Shion thought he might have seen Safu slip a single into his own speedo at one point. He thought nothing of the fact that she was out here in West Block, too focused on winning the battle.

 

After some time, out of breath and panting, the two battlers looked one another in the eye, and were suddenly incredibly close. Ignoring the crowd around them, they pulled each other close, and smashed their lips together in a heated, passionate kiss.

 

Shion jerked awake, finding himself drenched in a cold sweat. His breathing was labored as he sat up in bed, looking around in the dark, familiar room. The smell of the books and the sound of Nezumi’s even breathing beside him eventually calmed his racing heart, and he breathed a sigh of relief.

 

It had all been a dream. A terrible dream, that made Shion unsure if he wanted to laugh or cry. Either way, he knew one thing.

 

He was never ever going to read any of Nezumi’s romance novels right before bed again.